Why Bismarck Is The Worst Place In North Dakota

There are many people in Bismarck who are among the best that North Dakota has to offer; however, no amount of whipped cream can make a cow pie palatable.

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Better go get your hip waders

Simply for being the state capital and hosting that many politicians all in one place is frankly unforgivable.

The amount of metaphorical raw sewage spewing from the capital building is note-worthy.  A big tip of the cap to the Bismarck sanitation department for keeping the city's residents from having it float all the way up to their axels.

They seem to not only thrive on snorkeling through the unimaginable horrors at the murky depths, but somehow feed on it like they are deep sea gastropods feeding on the off-gassing of underwater thermal vents.

A mind-numbing amount of unearned entitlement

By choice or by happenstance, just because that is where you live or work doesn't make you any more important than anyone else in the state.

Many people have been looked down upon, scolded, or had a finger wagged at them by someone from the big city, only to then turn around and blatantly disregard their own blathering to do the same exact thing to you.

"Waa, it's not fair, were from the big city and should get all the special treatment without having to worry about any consequences when we step on toes."

- some idiot

"Good heavens no, we are far too busy to help out the common folk. However, when we need something you peasants better hop-to and give us what we want."

- possibly the same idiot

Regardless of what galactic-scale clodpoll is currently having severe gastro-intestinal issues of the mouth on that given day, it is almost a guarantee that they will cry crocodile tears if you are not genuflecting to them in reverence and acting exactly how they want you to in their weird, gross power trip fantasy world.

It's scientifically proven that it's farther to travel from Bismarck than it is to Bismarck.

This phenomenon seems to be especially prevalent in any sort of management position.  The best guess is that there is some sort of wormhole that swallows a traveler whole and extends their trip significantly.

It's even more peculiar that they usually plan on leaving early on the return trip to account for either the Einstein-Rosen bridge or some other sort of time dilation, but they always seem to make it back in time for happy hour and their bi-weekly keister stick polishing appointment.

The worst people in Bismarck are sick of the worst people in Bismarck, so they are moving to Mandan.

Fed up with all of the rat race of people just like them, they decide to pack up and head west. With a new lease on life (not to mention a cheaper cost of living so Smaug can continue to build his hoard of gold), they can begin anew, most likely on a riverfront property.

Be careful, Narcissus; don't stare too closely into the water in case you become enraptured with your own reflection and fall in.

Is it really that bad of a city? No. Do the worst people that fit into the categories above actively try to make it better? Also, no.