Are you tired of slicing your way through every round of golf like a butter knife through hot butter?

Do you envy those players who effortlessly sink birdies while you struggle to avoid sand traps?

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Fear not, dear golfer, for salvation is at hand! With the dawn of a new year comes the opportunity for a golfing revolution. So, grab your clubs, and let’s embark on a journey to banish the bogeys and embrace the birdies.

Embrace the Power of Denial

The first step to not sucking at golf is to firmly deny that you ever did. Blame it on the weather, the greens, or that pesky gopher that keeps stealing your balls. Remember, it's never your fault; it’s just the cruel hand fate has dealt you.


Invest in Magical Equipment:

Why settle for ordinary clubs when you can wield the power of the golf gods themselves? Splurge on those titanium-coated, carbon-fiber-reinforced, ultra-lightning-fast clubs that promise to add ten yards to your drive and a twinkle to your eye. Who needs skill when you have technology, right?


Master the Art of Creative Scoring:

Who says you have to play by the rules? Invent your own scoring system where triple bogeys are celebrated as noble achievements and lost balls are merely temporary misplacements. Remember, it’s not about the scorecard; it’s about the stories you tell at the 19th hole.


Embrace Zen and the Art of Golf Maintenance:

Channel your inner Buddha and learn to find inner peace amidst the chaos of a double-bogey disaster. Take deep breaths, visualize that perfect swing, and let the serenity of the fairway wash over you like a gentle breeze. Remember, it’s not the destination that matters, but the divots you make along the way.


Bribe the Golf Gods:

Offer up sacrifices of old golf balls and broken tees to appease the golf gods and ensure favorable winds and forgiving greens. Build a shrine to Tiger Woods in your backyard and pray for his divine intervention in your game. Who knows, If you set out beers and a half pack of cigarettes, John Daly will show up like a deranged half lit golf Santa.


Blame It on the Caddie:

Why take responsibility for your own shortcomings when you can pin the blame on your faithful caddie? After all, they’re the ones who recommended that ill-fated 3-wood on the 18th hole. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to take the fall. If you don't have a caddie, blame it on tips you saw on the internet.


Embrace the Power of Positive Distraction:

When all else fails, distract your opponents with dazzling displays of charisma and questionable fashion choices. Who cares if your golf swing resembles a rusty gate in a hurricane when you’re sporting those neon pink plaid pants?

So there you have it, aspiring golf champions! With these foolproof strategies, you’re guaranteed to avoid sucking at golf this year. Remember, it’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey, the camaraderie, and the sheer joy of whacking a tiny white ball across a vast expanse of meticulously manicured grass. Now go forth and conquer the fairways, dear golfer, for greatness awaits! And if all else fails, there’s always mini-golf.

Where Are You Most Likely to Encounter a Tornado in South Dakota?

The folks at Stacker crunched the numbers to find the top 10 South Dakota counties likely to see tornados.

NOTE: "Since counties can vary in size, they are ranked by the number of tornadoes per 100 square miles." - Stacker

Gallery Credit: Ben Kuhns

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